a note to single parents

I was having dinner with a pregnant friend of mine a week or two ago.  Just two gals, hangin’ out.  Of course we got on to talking about her baby, since she is about to pop.  I was so shocked when out of no where she said she guessed she should really get a husband soon.  I just kind of laughed it off and sat there for a second, and when I looked into her eyes my heart broke.  I realized she really meant it.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since then, the look in her eyes.  It was like looking at a little puppy that had been kicked too many times and had finally decided “fuck it”  and laid down to take whatever was coming next.  Being a parent is a hard and scary thing.  Doing it alone is even more scary.  But to marry someone just so you don’t have to do it alone?  That really kind of just sucks.  Its like laying down and just “taking it”. 

*gasp* I hear you rolling your eyes from here, ya know.  See you saying “but the heart wants what the heart wants” and all that.  I have to call bullshit.  Please consider what “what the hearts wants” could/will do to your children.  Trust me when I say some people are NOT made to be parents.  That’s just the way it is.  This is coming from someone who had/has an absentee mother and who has more EX-step-parents then I can shake a stick at.  Some people just CAN NOT BE a parent.  Just picking someone to marry is like holding up a big “FML” sign, taking the first billfold that walks up, and waiting to see what comes next.

Children are beautiful and perfect beings, brought into this world pure and with a clean slate.  They deserve all the happiness, love, and encouragement we can give them.  As parents, WE are the ones that build the basis of their life story.  WE give them the foundation to go forth and become who ever they were put on this earth to become.  Its our job to do it right, not half assed. There should be no “crutch” when it comes to parenting.  Crutches are wobbly things and tend to fall over.  I say stand tall, and the world will benefit from your strength. 

*sigh*

I really do believe that old saying “there are no bad kids, only bad parents”.    I’m not saying that you can never get married if you’re a single mom or single dad.  There ARE some fantastic hearted people out there, that are great with kids.  Great FOR kids.  MADE for parenting, and even MADE for step-parenting!  I’m saying take a little caution in what you put into your children’s lives.  THEY are the ones that will bare the scars of your choices, whether you intend them to or not.

Parenting is hard.  With or without help.  Marrying for help, marrying for extra money, marrying just so you wont have to be a SINGLE parent… is crazy talk.  You will always wish for more help, wish for better things, wish for more money.  Being married wont change that.  I just hope your wish for healthy, HAPPY kids is stronger than your wish for the other stuff.   If you want to marry, good on you.  But marry for LOVE not to appease a fear. 

Your kids need that, they DESERVE it. 

>x<