what the f*%$ did I eat, EXACTLY?

O M G. I have no idea what I ate before I went to bed the other day but I have to tell you what happened. (on the side: I have no idea WHY people use drugs. I swear I don’t get it. I don’t use them, and still – THIS Is what comes out of my mind. I DONT NEED THEM…. LOL!!!!)

So the other day, my friend Heather posted the cutest audio on her Facebook of her baby, Nano, back talking. So cute. Well, that night, when I went to bed…I must’ve been thinking about it because I had a dream…

Not a Martin Luther King, Jr kind of dream. More like a Guillermo del Toro meets Clive Barker kind of dream, on acid.

So here is what I remember clearly. Ready?

and here we go:

”Crazy” me convinces my online buddy, the Heaths,

to bring her super cute baby Nano

to visit because apparently my hubs and my kids weren’t here for some reason and I was lonely.

{by crazy, I mean, I had dreadlocks a la Lenny Kravitz style, and was running around in cut-off overalls, sliced up combat boots covered in what I hope was paint but was more than likely bird poop, and a White Stripes tshirt on which I had painted over with the Black Flag logo. WTF!}

So, the Heaths shows up with Nano, who has the super power of Cuteness, and apparently I’m not the only one who thinks so.

You see, while they are here…

the yard trolls in my back yard, who apparently in Kentucky aren’t moles as much as Giant Sloths
Brown-throated Three-toed Sloth

with fangs of a Saber tooth,

that are also possessed with the spirits of super aliens who crashed here… in Ky… a la Roswell style many many years ago…

So after several failed attempts by the yard trolls to kidnap cute Nano {whom they had decided was sent here to become the new Voivode of their underground kingdom of ugly baby eating yard trolls! Because WHAT ELSE would super cute babies be sent here to do?!} we decided to call in help…

And who DO you call when giant possessed saber tooth sloths are trying to eat you so they can have their way with your bffs uber cute mini-manthang?

Why you call the Super Troll Exercising Exterminating Luminaries of course! The men of S.T.E.E.L !!!!!!!!!!!! {oh yes, my mind went there!}

So we call the men of STEEL…
and when they show up…
GUESS who it was?!!!!!!!!!!!

Bruce f*%#$ing Campbell!

Not just ANY Bruce Campbell!

Army of f’in DARKNESS BRUCE CAMPBELL!!!!!!

and he didn’t just show up people! He SHOWED UP! He got out of the tank from Tank Girl

and was all geared up like John Goodman in Arachnophobia meets the Ghosts Busters!

and after what can only be described as an epic battle of good vs evil

the man of STEEL WINS (of course)

and as he his ungearing to tell us all is safe – he also zips off his man suit, a la Scooby Doo style, to reveal that he was NOT Bruce f’in Campbell at all! Instead he was….

MY HENRY!!!!!!!